Mine shall be Titanium by David Guetta. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this song...the words/chorus, the fast beats/musical interludes if that's what they are called. This song is amazing for anything high energy...thinking, exercise, sex, you name it. I can so relate to the emotions of this song as many people can I suppose. It is a song about my life thus far. A troubled childhood for so many reasons followed by a troubled adulthood for many more reasons. I suppose many can relate to that too. (Random thought: I think Daenerys Targaryen's theme song would be something like Titanium...can't wait until 4/6)
Okay, so I have been a slack-ass. Far too busy to not be working and not giving enough time to my thoughts and my transition. I am a thinker...I think too much or so I've heard. I know that many people don't give this shit a second thought. Yet, I have put much time and effort into figuring out who I am, why I am the way I am or was and the next steps necessary to be the me I need/want to be.
So it occurred to me that I have been an emotional eater throughout my life. At some times I have been in control of this and other times I have not. This is not purely a psychological phenomenon. There is the physiological aspect of it that is difficult to control. I am not quite sure of the psychological dynamic...is it that I have an oral fixation? I do! It cannot be denied. I once smoked. I like to eat. I stick my fingers in my mouth often. I just love things in my mouth!! Err, yeah, that too. But also I go to food when I am sad, angry, upset, bored. You name it. I have a negative emotion I go to food to comfort me. So which is it? Perhaps a combination of both.
Now add to that the chemical/hormonal responses that occurs in the brain when we eat comfort foods...endogenous opioids and dopamine are released and BOY, do I love pleasure! Then there is the inter-relationship between cortisol, ghrelin, insulin and other hormones. The physiological aspect is even harder to get a firm grasp on and control. I am especially sensitive to addictive substances...both physiologically and psychologically. It's a fight to control all of this but a fight I am not willing to lose. This is but one of the reasons Titanium is my theme song.
